Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Flying

The past few days I have kept close to the dorm. I enjoy having a small room of my own. Still, it doesn't leave much privacy. I know everyone can hear me talking in here, so it's hard to discuss roommates. Not that I have problems with them. I just feel that some of them are very consistent in their ethnic choices for friends. That is to say, they hang out with people who are like them. But as I write that I realize I'm hanging out almost exclusively with Canadians, Americans, and Germans. We all look the same. So it's really the pot calling the kettle black.

Are we naturally drawn to people who look similar to us? Is that comforting, on some level? Perhaps we're too conscious of offending people. For example, I wanted to go to a Chinese restaurant one time with an Asian friend of mine back in high school, but I didn't want to recommend it because, well, she's Asian. All the people I've met here are very much a dichotomy of being very free and open about everything and also being extremely sensitive about other races and physical capabilities. It's interesting. We went to a comedy night last night. Frankly, I am not expecting clean jokes at a comedy tour specializing in university's freshmen orientations. And the girl next to me kept scoffing or saying things like "Oh my gosh" throughout the night. If you have a problem with jokes about people with deformities and anything that might be considered sexually explicit, don't go to a college comedy show! It seems like common sense to me. Unless she just likes to be shocked. Maybe she likes being the offended one. Perhaps there are people out there who really enjoy showing off how P.C. they are. And I'm not sure where I fit into all this. I mean, if someone makes a joke about poop, I'll probably still laugh. We all have our immaturity. But at the same time, racist jokes aren't appropriate. But... I don't think society should be constantly holding it's breath, freaking out about who's going to be offended by what.

If you have time, please enjoy this song from Avenue Q, a very irreverent musical involving puppets. DO NOT LET CHILDREN WATCH THIS! In fact, this may not be an appropriate blog entry for my boys at all. But I think it's something I wanted to discuss, I feel it's important. The song is called "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9CSnlb-ymA

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Your New Fire Safety Marshall

Today we had a mandatory hall meeting complete with snacks, games, introductions, lectures, warnings, shushings, cheers, and gifts. And I was named fire marshall of our dorm. One girl conviently left while the Resident Assistants were looking for volunteers and the other girls turned to me. The RA asked me specifically if I would, since I suppose I'm the most outgoing. It doesn't take long for people to realize I have a hard time saying no.

Today I went to an outdoor concert, complete with a steady drizzle of rain and a large man dancing alone for half the show. He was more entertaining than the concert! My video camera wasn't working, which was a shame because you really needed to see him to believe someone was moving that way. He kept angrily moving people away from him so he could do cartwheels right in front of the stage! I laughed until there were tears.

Just a few minutes ago I tried to look for a good template for my resume. I met a woman who...

Okay I have to stop and comment on my newest roommate. Her name is Rea and I have some concerns. She seems nice but she has a lot of friends which are in our apartment constantly helping her to settle in. I've already heard her music from her room several times and... there's a lot of loud talking occurring right outside my window which I am attributing to a group of giddy Chinese girls standing on the walkway talking to Rae as she moves in. A door just slammed. This does not bode well.

Anyway I met a woman who is interested in my work as a dramaturg. She might want me to work on her upcoming show here! Isn't it amazing how these things work? But looking for a resume template to suit my needs puts knots in my stomach. These are the same sort of knots that appeared whenever I tried to do something very precisesly as a little girl. I can almost hear my bones clench together as I get irritated. So I had to stop and write this, simply to wonder why this makes me so antsy. True, I wish my old template would just expand so I didn't have to write a new resume, but that's a minor problem. Hmm.

I haven't been writing in my journal at all, which also sets my teeth on edge. I need to strike a balance between writing for myself and others. Because who my audience is affects how I write.
Last night I went to a party and met a boy who instantly asked me if we still beat black people. He told me he knew all about segregation. I can honestly say I had no idea it would be like this. I didn't expect to come across so much ignorance. Clearly, this is not something limited to the US. I'm beginning to believe that the majority of the population is ignorant, and there are only a few people (relatively speaking) who even attempt some sort of global perspective. Myself, I have learned that what I hear on the news cannot accurately reflect a population. Not that I read about New Zealand in the papers. At all.

Friday, February 22, 2008

a looming threat

I just took a nap because I am concerned about my health. My roommate has had a cough for a year, or so she tells me. I think she's passing it onto me. I find it ironic that I care more about germs than most people and yet I seem to get sick just as often if not more frequently than they. In order to avoid the illness I've started to take three echinacia per day.

I met some New Zealanders yesterday through one of my friends. They're easy to understand as long as they aren't using very short words. I find those difficult to compredhend. I mean, a three letter word can be anything. But if there are two syllables there's a greater chance I can piece together the word.

I found the Christian organization on campus and am a bit shocked at the time they typically meet: Fridays at 7 PM. I just think this time is a little odd since it's so close to the weekend. Frankly, it's not a memorable time. People inevitably are hanging out with friends on Friday evenings. I myself forgot about yesterday's meeting. Hopefully I'll remember next week, but I was planning on doing a lot of traveling on the weekends since I don't have any Friday classes. Hmm.

I am always amazed at how soon my faults emerge when I'm with people. It doesn't take long for people to come to realize I worry about offending people way too much. I've already been chastised for it since I came here. But really, isn't it a bit odd to text someone you've only met a few times? There was a bbq at the river today and I chose not to go but I texted (this is sending a written message from your phone) on behalf of a friend. I got this person's number from someone else. When I expressed an amount of concern I was told that I need to be less sensitive. To me, it's more of a concern about good manners.

I like manners! I enjoy having boundaries with people I don't know too well. Maybe this isn't a good thing, but I just think sometimes people are way too forward. I'm not begging for God to put me back in the Victorian Age, but I think a sense of restraint is always appropriate. But I think my hesitancy of calling people my friends without hearing them use the word first is from the same tendency. I think I'm getting better about that though. It's a concern for rejection, is what it is. It's a fear of people. Of Man. Yes, with a capital "M."

There's a foam party tonight but I just can't imagine that's very sanitary. A few of my friends are going to a party at some guy's apartment so I'll probably go over there.

I can feel my camp tendencies beginning to seep in. This is the theory that I make a lot of friends and then withdraw because I'm afraid they find me annoying. How childish! But even now I'm paranoid about coming to a party to which I was not personally invited. But I'm going to break through this and ignore my feelings.

My room is a wreck.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My First Ephiphany (of the trip)

Today I hung up any clothes that I view as "fancy." These included several shirts and a few skirts. It also included my two jackets that I brought, since they're too bulky to fold. And I am amazed at how much stuff I have.

There's a Canadian here named Megan. She has dreadlocks and I believe the best way to describe her is cool. In fact, she's amazing. She takes the time to get to know all of the students in our hall of dorms, which is known as Kairanga Court. Perhaps the most admirable thing is she doesn't shy away from pronouncing the somewhat intimidating names of the non-Western international students. She listens. She drinks tap water and doesn't think anything about it. She leaves her dorm door open almost all the time because in her mind, if something gets stolen it's just an object.

And then there's me. Through her actions Megan illuminated lots of things I'd like to change about myself. For example, I avoid saying the international names because I can't understand them when they're spoken to me, nor can I pronounce them clearly. I've coated my face with make up every day that I've been in New Zealand. I love bottled water, despite knowing that the tap water in Palmerston North is totally drinkable. And I have so much STUFF! I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, but man! My grandmother, my mom, and I went through my luggage twice to weed out unneccessary items, and I still over packed. When I was hanging up my clothes I noticed that several of my pieces of clothing have never been worn at all. I'm saving them for a special occasion. Because looking really good, or at least wearing brand new clothes makes me feel really good.

I love clothes. I love Pellegrino bottled water (the kind with bubbles). Oh! And the big one: I want to attract male attention by looking pretty. I don't think these are crimes at all, but I do think they can be carried to an extreme. And I may have passed the level of extreme. For example, I haven't had any water all morning because I can't bring myself to drink the tap water. I want this to change. It's going to change. Fortunately I don't feel like I'm going it alone. The greatest thing about my faith is that I can struggle with something and know there's always room for error, but I am allowed room for mistakes.

All this excess makes me want to take up a vow of poverty. I think I need the Peace Corps far more than they need me.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Forced Silence

Good morning!

This will be my blog for my trip to New Zealand and perhaps continuing. I chose the name because... well I'm rather tall. And trees are tall. And I'm blonde with blue eyes. Plus there's a tree with yellow fungus growing on the trunk outside my window which I can see now. Currently I'm sitting in silence because I can't get my computer to play my music. In fact, only select sounds are coming out at all. I'm more than a little nettled, which illuminates my complete dependency on my music.

Today I am skipping a large portion of the orientation. There are several reasons for this. The first is that I've already had an international orientation. Massey wants us all to go to hear the same people say the same things two times. Additionally, I had freshman orientation at Clemson three years ago, and it's still pretty fresh. By that I mean I know I have to make friends and get my own drinks so no one spikes them. So I feel these are legitimate reasons. My third reason is less so. This orientation is mostly for the new freshmen, who are all about three years younger than me. While I'm willing to make friends with the younger set, for the most part they're all concerned with making the friends who will be staying around with them for a few years. As opposed to my lengthy stay of five months at the most. One girl is going to take me to Wellington, however, which is pretty stellar.

I have heard I'm in the crappy part of the country and it's still the most beautiful place I've ever seen. I keep taking out my video camera and recording in silence, because what can I say about this place? When you see it all you can do is giggle and hold your breath. I am spellbound. And I may take a walk today alone, just for a change of pace. I've made friends and solitude seems unnatural here.

At the orientation dinner two nights ago a speaker came up pretending to be from the U.S. The first thing he did was apologize for being American. People clapped and cheered. What?! Even if you don't like the country's politics, why are we the only people constantly apoligizing for coming from our country? I've met several men from Pakistan and Iran and NO ONE has apologized for coming from those countries. The French never apologize, to be sure. Apparently we're supposed to repent of our nation entirely. I was the only American at the table who didn't clap and cheer when that man (who wasn't even American, it was all a joke) apologized for his supposed ethnicity. Meanwhile, several people have reminded me that they're not terrorists just because they come from the Middle East. I met a man in my hall who informed me that just because his name was Hussain (spelling?) didn't mean he had a bomb stuck to himself. It's like they're all waiting for me to scream and duck when I see them coming because I believe they're all suicide bombers. The best way to describe my feelings is nettled, and perhaps that's an understatement.

I have this fear that I'm missing something important in my plans for the day, although I am not. I am anxious to get to the grocery store because I'm a water snob and ran out of my bottled water yesterday. I'm rationing the last bit so I can take my vitamins. Most of the students I've met who are from America are not proud of their country. My views on the Iraqi war may be close to theirs but I'm never going to be ashamed to be an American. How's that for cheesy patriotism? Yeah, you like it.

Pictures will follow later. I'd like to put up video, but I don't have a digital video camera. Hint hint. My birthday's coming up, after all...